Lemon News
An Aggregation of Today’s Aggravations
NRV Pinch: Some Data on Data Centers
Christiansburg Spends $4 Million on Drains and Sidewalks, Recklessly Funds Non-monetizable Things Residents Can Actually Use
Taliban Celebrates Five Years of Victory, Continues Losing War Against Girls Going to School
Planet Remains Detectably Warmer Than It Used to Be Despite Internet’s Continued Disinfo Campaigns
Scientists Hire Sharks to Forecast Hurricanes, Finally Give Sharks Positive PR Assignment
Arsenal Delays Pollution-Control Incinerator Again; New River Valley Asked to Continue Breathing Patiently
Blacksburg Transit Wins State Award After People Commit Radical Liberal Act of Riding Bus
Downtown Blacksburg Building Remains Vacant for 20 Years, Continues Strong Commitment to Doing Absolutely Nothing Tradition
Trump Goes to Beijing: Not the plot of a New Comedy Movie, Experts Say
Seoul Holds Competitive Sleeping Event - Rest of World Jealous
New River Valley Enters Budget Season, Discovers Everybody Needs the Same Money
Iran War Becomes Largest Oil Supply Shock in History, Continues Successful Campaign to Affect Everyone
Pablo Escobar’s Hippos Continue Causing Problems 33 Years After Pablo Escobar Stopped
New River Valley Residents Plant 2,443 Trees, Recklessly Invest in a Future They May Not Personally Monetize (SOCIALISTS?!)
Israeliranian War Spreads Across Gulf, Closes Hormuz; Europe Politely Declines Invitation to Make It Worse
Scientists Discover Planet Composed Largely of Magma and Rotten-Egg Gas, Immediately Rule Out Tourism (except to perv demographic)
U.S. and Israel Open New War With Iran As Peace Reportedly Makes Progress
Christiansburg Approves More Housing; Existing Roads Asked to Figure It Out
Winter Olympics Commission Consider Winter
Interstellar Comet Lines Up With Earth and Sun, Scientists Politely Request Everyone Remain Normal
the Lemon News
The Official Yellow Outlet of
the Snide House